Footprints in the Sand

Do you ever feel like you're sooo over something? Or maybe someone?
And you have moved on, yet being reminded of it still brings some semblance of pain?
Not that aching hole in your heart and the sudden feeling that crying will fix everything.
Not nearly as severe as that. That chapter has been sealed with smiles and tears.
You feel a longing almost too soft of a whisper to be considered relevant, but its still there.
Like, no matter how much you have healed and moved on, a small part of you won't let go.
Ever.
At all.
Like once you started moving forward, a part of you stayed in that one spot, forever rooted there.

I just need to know why. And not the answer you gave me. I understand that answer, but there's a deeper part that i don't understand. Why so suddenly? Literally it was overnight.
Why'd you lie to me? Don't tell me what you think i want to hear, tell me what's really happening. If you want me out of your life then tell me. If you remember anything about me, then the fact that i ALWAYS understand should be it. I've been nothing but nice; trying to be there for you no matter what's going on with me. The least you could do in return is tell me that you don't want to be my friend.

All I want to know is why before i say goodbye.
And the saddest part is you probably won't even read this...

-MissAsha

Normal is Overrated

nor·mal [nawr-muhl] 

–adjective 

conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; notabnormal; regular; natural.

Normal.

Normalcy.

Synonyms: average, commonplace, traditional.

Antonyms: Me

What is normal? Like, what is it really??

Is it following the same pattern as those before you? 

Is it being a follower, like every self-esteem boosting campaign tells you not to be?

I can tell you what it is.

Normal is not questioning the world around you, even if you're questions are beyond other's comprehension.

Normal is not dancing around your room in mismatched sweats, socks, and a t-shirt, singing along with a hair brush for a mic.

Normal is not making faces at your friend over vchat for an hour,  saying nothing and giggling at everything.

Normal is not me.

weird [weerd]

–adjective

involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny; fantastic; bizarre; abnormal.

Weird.

Abnormal.

Synonyms: awe-inspiring, odd, Asha.

Antonyms: regular, usual, normal.

Why does everyone emphasize being normal? We don't even know what normal is!

Nobody is normal.

Nobody.

We all have our weird quirks, but isn't that what makes us normal?

Does anyone really want to be "normal"? Want to be predictable, routine, standard?

Because that would make you abnormal.

In all actuality normal is weird and weird is normal.

I want you to say it out loud:

Normal is weird. Weird is normal.

Everyone is weird because no two people are alike.

That's what makes us all work so well together.

We compliment one another.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird. When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness. We call it love. ♥

-MissAsha

Do I Press the DO NOT PRESS Button?

I need answers.
It's funny how sometimes we really don't want what we need, because what we need may crumble our world as we know it. Am I ready for that?

Isn't it ironic how someone can know they're on your mind...
Know how much they mean to you...
Know that their life - their sanity - is intertwined with yours...
Know how deep your feelings for them are rooted...
Feel the same...
Yet not really KNOW??
NOT know how flawless and perfect their imperfections are in your eyes...
NOT know the extent of your longing and requisite for them.
NOT know anything, yet they know everything.
Hoping, willing them to feel the same...

And it's still your fault for letting it get this far...
Yet you can't help it. It just happened. And now you're stuck with it, though you'd have it no other way.

I'm sitting in a room; no doors, one window. Through that window i see my world.

The only thing in that room is a red button that says DO NOT PRESS.

I'm faced with a choice: 

Do I press it or do I remain in glorious oblivion?

Do I rush things or do i continue to wait?

Do I ACT or do I wait until I have to REACT?

Run away, or don't run away...?

Oblivion is so much easier

Breathe...

Escape seems way better.

Ridding myself of this decision.

The truth will eventually come out spoken or unspoken...

I think I'm gonna press the button...

-MissAsha

The Rising Sun

STD's aren't meant to be spread
Like butter on my toast, baby, butter my toast
And hurt isn't meant to be our bestfriend
Life's a real bad joke, babe, a real bad joke


The world's a filthy hole in the wall
And we're the junkies riding our high into oblivion.
Rock out 'til the cops come and don't look back,
Run 'til you can dance with the rising sun.


Break the lenses of your glasses, see reality with new eyes.
The sky is green, the water's pink, and all the trees are blue.
Don't trust anyone, everything we know is a lie
We're all puppets dancing to the tune of the government's flute.


There is no world, there is no home, there is no life, there is no truth.
Let's shut our ears and close our eyes, let our uncensored minds run.
I grab your hand one last time to remember the only real thing is you,
I'll set you free, listen to the beat, my heartbeats bum-dum-dun.


I'll set you free,
Listen to the beat
Of your pounding feet
Against clouds as you run.


Run, run, run.
Run 'til you can dance with the rising sun.
Don't look back no matter what, we'll meet again, i promise you.
Some future day
So far away
As we dance with the rising sun.


-MissAsha<3

10 I'm-Still-Alive Resolutions

Sooo I went to a party on Saturday, and it got shot up......(I'm SO done with ghetto parties -___-)

That REALLY put things into perspective for me.

I've decided to make a list of ten things that I'm going to promise to do:
10. Actually try to feed my turtle daily...even though she can live without food for a month. I'd be one grumpy turtle if someone didn't feed me for almost a month...
9. Try harder to like....scratch that, try harder to tolerate fat animals. Baby steps, right?
8. Spend more time figuring out my philosophy on life. Might as well figure it out while I'm still alive!
7. Finish writing at least ONE of my books before I graduate high school! This MUST happen!
6. Be more understanding of deeply religious people, no matter how much I disagree.
5. Help others more. One day I may need someone to do the same for me.
4. Make at least one person smile each day(:
3. I'm going to take risks. So what if they'll think I'm weird or won't talk to me? At least I did it.
2. Let my parents know how much I really love them, because I can be a pretty sucky daughter.

and MOST IMPORTANTLY:

1. I will love ME <3

-Miss Asha's-So-Damn-Glad-To-Be-ALIVE!

Just Friends(:

Finally!
I can say I'm over you and not be lying.
I can look at your picture and not feel the hole in my chest ache.
It's no longer there.
The unhealable is healed.
And I've moved on.

I can see your picture, hear your name, remember moments, and not want to cry.
Hell, I don't even flinch.
I can now say what I've been saying for the past few months and really mean it.
You're my friend, and that's all you are.
And, you know what? That makes me happy.
I'm finally okay with it.

Friends :)

-MissAsha(:

8GT

Today I wore purple along with thousands across the nation in honor and support of the 8 gay teenagers that committed suicide in recent months due to harassment and bullying. I love the fact that thousands of strangers can unite and show support for the mistreated like this. It really touches me.

I was browsing through people's comments on this subject, and saw quite a few people saying that hey don't agree with honoring or showing support for people who chose the "coward's way out." Needless to say, I disagree.

For one, people united to take a stand against bullying, mistreatment, and harassment. Especially bullying because those individuals were homosexual. That is wrong, illegal, and needs to be stopped. If I can help in that effort then by all means I will.

Lastly, though it is terribly devastating and shouldn't be praised, suicide is a choice. A person has the right to take his or her own life if they want to. Now I know what you're thinking, "WTF is this chick saying!?!? That suicide is OKAY!?!?"

Answer: No.

All I'm saying is that people shouldn't look down upon those who commit suicide. Obviously they were in a dark place and felt that this world was not worth it. It's ignorant people who put them down in the first place that pushed them to suicide, so why would you CONTINUE to talk negatively about them. What kind of sense does that make?

I'm not saying people should commit suicide, because I believe that they should be helped and we should try to prevent it as much as possible. But if someone does choose to do so, don't condemn them for it. That's counterproductive and honestly just stupid.

-Miss Asha

R.I.P.
 Tyler Clementi
Asher Brown
Seth Walsh
Justin Aaberg
Eric Mohat
Meredith Rezak
Raymond Chase
Billy Lucas
<3

Poem: Breathe

Breathe in.
Take in all the world's problems.
Hate, discrimination, corruption, damnation.

Hold.
Endure it. Take it upon yourself.
Bear it, feel it, move with it, be it.

Breathe out.
Let it go.
Out comes love, tolerance, peace, acceptance.

Transformation.
Mine, yours, ours.
The world's.
Breathe.

Poetry Overload!!

Sorry for all the poems i posted in the last hour!
I just wanted to get it over with so that I wouldn't forget.
This not a strictly poetry blog, it's a blog about seeing the world through my eyes and mind.
One of the ways I like to express that is through poetry, that's why I wanted to get all my poetry so far out of the way: to leave my mind's canvas blank and ready for new ideas.
Sorry if I made you think otherwise.

-MissAsha(:

Poem: Sleeping With My Eyes Open

This is my most recent poem. I wrote it over the summer, just letting my mind run wild, rampant, and free.

Sleeping With My Eyes Open – Asha

I sleep with my eyes open to watch time fly by

To gaze at my dreams, secret wishes crossing the night sky.

To see the amazing moments that seem so real at the time

To watch silently as morning light burns them out of my mind.

To witness my dull bedroom transform into a world of hope

To create my own world or religion and dub myself pope.

To write my life story in pencil, eraser in hand

To make my happiness not a request but forever a demand.

I sleep with my eyes open because all bad things happen in the dark

To stare into the eyes of our corrupt world, stare into the mouth of the shark.

To not be scared to rock the boat, to ruffle the waves underneath it

To shake the surface of this war ship we like to call our planet

To see people be praised for reeking havoc, given medals and a sash

To watch them destroy the lives of others and not bat an eyelash

To go through the motions everyday, convincing everyone and myself I’m fine

To know deep down inside that years ago I had crossed that line

I sleep with my eyes open so I won’t end up answering death’s call

But maybe sleeping with my eyes closed isn’t too bad after all.

Poem: I can't. Oh, but I can!

Congratulations, you finally get a look into my mind when it's depressed.
I won't tell you why, but I will tell you that I was contemplating suicide. I wrote down my internal struggle.

I can’t. Oh, but I can! – Asha

I can’t.

Oh, but I can!

I shouldn’t.

But who’s to say I shan’t?

I don’t want to.

But it’s the only way.

I really don’t want to.

But I despise the pain.

No more hurt.

No more “why?”

No more tears.

One more good-bye.

Mine.

Right? Wrong?

On the outside I’m strong.

But inside my optimism is shattered.

Broken down, my pieces lay scattered.

No fix, no cure,

No glue for a heart, no doubt.

Just time, more time,

But mine’s decidedly run out.

The hourglass’s hum softens

The sand is almost gone.

Wonder what it will be like

Seeing my last dawn.

“Such a shame” they will say.

“So young” they will chant.

I can’t.              

Oh, but I can!

I won’t.

But who’s to say I shan’t?

*NOTE: This was written last year. I am not depressed or contemplating suicide. I'm completely happy(:

Poem: Crush

Woo! Finally, a poem I wrote about MYSELF! :D
I wrote this sophmore year because I had a crush on a friend, but was too scared to tell him. This the only poem I've written so far that doesn't rhyme. We're still friends, and I believe it's because I never told him.

Crush by Asha

I have a crush

Just a teeny-weeny crush

An insignificant infatuation,

With a most significant person.

I have a crush

Just a tiny crush

A quickened heartbeat when he smiles

A hollow space when he talks about her.

I have a crush

Just an itsy-bitsy crush

A flutter of butterflies somewhere deep inside me when he laughs

A wincing pain each time he walks away and I know that he doesn’t know.

I have a crush

Just a microscopic crush

A deep feeling of comfort when we talk about the most trivial things

A deep feeling of sorrow when he says “ily,” totally oblivious to what he’s doing to me.

I have a crush

Just a miniscule crush

But shhh! Don’t tell

No, don’t ever tell!

Because telling means admitting,

And

Admitting means accepting

And

Accepting means Acting

And

Acting means heartbreak…

Poem: My Little Red Rose With Blackened Edges

I don't remember why I wrote this, I just remember I was working on the novel I'm writing, and then thought about my favorite flower (can you guess what it is?). Then I started thinking, well what if there was some deeper meaning behind this flower. This is what I came up with.

My Little Red Rose With Blackened Edges

My little red rose with blackened edges

A symbol of love bloomed out of garden hedges

But what most people overlook is its dark secret

A dark truth that’s hidden until you reveal it

For you see, my dear reader, love’s lovely, it’s bliss

But it also is the heart’s most deadly kiss

Now don’t get me wrong, love’s a spectacular feel

It’s one of Mother Nature’s most permanent seals

But if that seal does somehow happen to break

The resulting pain is way too much to take

It tears at your heart and carries out your merciless annihilation

But it’s nothing personal; this happens to the whole world’s population

It preys, without hesitation, on the young, the weak

And once you’re found on its path, the consequences are bleak

My little red rose with its gorgeous scarlet petals

Boast the beauty of love like a 1^st place medal

They lure you in, seducing you like dangling a worm on a hook

But all you need to see its true nature is to take one good look

All of the affliction depicted in a neglected color transition

A transition that in turn tells the well-known emotion’s mission

Once you see the slightly blackened edges, as if it were dipped in fire

The truth will dawn on you and its true colors will start to transpire

So the next time you see a rose just remember to think of this

Love’s lovely, it’s bliss; it’s a heart’s deadly kiss

Poem: Keep Running

I wrote this my freshman year in Spanish class...don't ask why because I honestly have NO idea where my inspiration came from lol

Keep Running by Asha

Keep running little girl, run towards the sun

Keep running and never look back for anyone

Keep your back faced towards the darkness, your face towards the light

Keep running and running ‘til the darkness is out of sight

Don’t stop to take a break, no matter how tired you are

For the darkness will consume you, and the light will be no more

And though your father may scream, and your mother might cry

Keep running and running, farther away from life…

*NOTE: For those of you who want to know, this is not about suicide. I mean, I guess you could see it that way because poetry is meant to be seen however you want to, but that wasn't my original intention. It's about a girl who's in a coma (I don't know why) and she sees "the light."

Poem: Lies are the Truth & The Truth is a Lie

Lies Are the Truth & The Truth is a Lie by: Asha

Ever since you were a child you were told to tell the truth

But they never tell you what happens when you find they’ve lied to you

When you find Santa Claus isn’t real, the Tooth Fairy is fake

That big girls do cry, and do a lot more than I can say

When you learn violence is never the answer and yet all you hear about on the news is war

How people you consider war heroes are honored for taking someone’s life or more

When people tell you alcohol is bad after you ask why they were drunk that night

When people tell you to turn the other cheek and yet they’re notorious for being in fights

You’re told never to get into gang violence yet that’s all you hear on the radio

You’re told never to smoke a cigarette by a person addicted to tobacco

You’re told never to use drugs, and that same night you hear that person got arrested for selling crack

You’re taught to be a good and loyal friend, but then your best friend stabs you in the back

You’re taught this and that, but never what to do when it backfires

The only truth we know is there are no true people, there are only liars.

Poem: A Young Girl's Plea

A Young Girl’s Plea by Asha

Misery laden, pain stricken

Story of my sorrow, on my face it’s written

The tale of my struggles, my anguish, my woes

Thoughts covered by my make up, feelings hidden by my clothes

Happiness is a folktale, love is a lie

The only truth I know? Someday I will die

It’s very depressing ‘cause that’s all I have to hope for

I wish for happier dreams, I long for something more

I want for truths to be untrue, the lies I’ve been told to be certain

To feel real joy and love, before God pulls the curtain

On the play of my life, for it means nothing and probably never will

But I have the right to my hopes and dreams, so I hope and dream still

I dream that I am normal, a happy-go-lucky young girl

I dream that my pain turns into a flower, my misery into a pearl

A pearl I wear around my neck, until I wake up next morn’

Then I wait until night, when that happy young girl is reborn

So for now I wait for the arrival of all my happiness, joy, and glee

But until then I ask that God will listen and hear a young girl’s plea…

Behind The Uniform - The first poem i wrote!(:

I wrote this poem after my first week in summer school at my new highschool. I was going to start my freshman year there and it was wonderful! I had spent alot of time that summer thinking about a future in Child Psychology. I sat down at my computer, thinking about what a suicidal private school teenager might go through, and thought, let's write a poem!

Behind the Uniform by Asha
Behind the uniform is a girl filled with pain

A girl who is very far from the same

Her days filled with gloom, her nights filled with suffering

Her heart filled with ache, her life filled with nothing

Nothing but the countless tears she cries

Tears she will cry until the day she dies

Death to her is like a far away bliss

A far away dream lost in a never ending abyss

At the end of the abyss is her one chance to be happy

When her death becomes an eternal reality

Until that day she has to sit and endure

The unbearable pain bestowed upon her

She’ll be life’s little puppet with invisible strings

Having to be who people want, a little play thing

Just as a child controls the life of their doll

The world will manipulate this girl until there’s nothing left at all

And she’ll have to wear that fake smile and the curse to be

The girl behind the uniform with the life of misery

*NOTE: I like rhyming, and I think it adds a ironic, sing-song type of tone to my poems so all of them rhyme. and remember that I did not write this poem about me. I was extremely happy during that time and life felt like it couldn't get any better because it was so amazing.

I Want to make one thing VERY clear....

I will from time to time post some of my poetry on here. I must admit that yes it's dark and I guess depressing, but if you are going to read it there's one thing you must understand...

MY POEMS ARE NOT ABOUT ME!!!

The people I write about in my poems I created. I want to be a psychologist, probably child psychologist, and the depressed mind fascinates me. I try to imagine what different people in different situations may feel. When I write my poems I don't think of my self or add any part of my being into it. I'm that person when I write. I feel their feelings. Then it's over, and I'm back to me.

If I do post a poem about me, I will tell you and describe why I was feeling the way I was. But other than that the poems are not about me!!! Understand that very clearly.

-Miss Asha(:

Wow, I've got a blog!

For those of you who know me, you know that I have very strong opinions, and I'm very vocal about them whether it "offends" you or not. I feel the world should just suck it up and stop being so sensitive.

For those of you who don't know me, hello!(: my name is Asha and I'm a very opinionated 11th grader. I will either be your biggest inspiration or your worst nightmare. You choose.

Q: Why do I have a blog?
A: How the hell am I supposed to know?? lol

I started this blog because I want to have a voice that the world can hear. Whether or not people read this is their choice, but it is not for the weak of heart. I am warning you now to leave if you are very conservative or get your feelings hurt easily, because I will adress my opinion on very sensitive topics.

Overall this is a free ticket into a very small section of my mind. Hope you survive the ride(:

-Miss Asha(: