My Beloved California

I am California. California is me.
Sunshine pumps through my veins.
The ever so slight, bittersweet stench of pollution fills my lungs.
I thrive on it.

My heart beats in sync with the music that is us.
My eyes cast pictures of happiness and desire.
Graffiti tells the untold stories of our lives. Our pains.
A fire that all true Californians know burns deep within my heart,
creating the very core that is Me. You. Us.
United.

We fight together, seeing more clearly than most would like of what the future holds.
Called a breeding ground for the future, we give a glimpse of America in a few years.
We are a whole millennium ahead of the world, but disguise ourselves as the present.
What you now call liberal will be conservative in 50 years. We see that. We embrace it while you fight a futile battle against it.

My California is walking down Venice, smelling weed, incense, and homelessness. I love it.
My California is carrying a jacket and umbrella one day then lounging in a bikini the next.
My California is walking in a rally to protest harassment of the LBGT.
My California is yours. Your California is mine.

We are the golden state, burning with the conflicting ideas that unite us.
From our valleys to our alleys; farmhouses to apartments.
We are the future.
We are California.

-MissAsha(:

I Will Not Cry

I will not cry.


Even when so many tears well up in front of my eyes that I can't see any prospect of a happy future.


I will not get angry.


Even though the animosity buried within me underlies everything I do.


I will not beg.


No answer, no matter how much I deserve it, is worth my self-dignity.


I will not have self-pity.


No matter how many reasons I have to feel bad.


I will not be me.


Apparently that's not enough anymore.


-MissAsha

At the Crossroads

I hate what I've done to you;
What I'm doing to you.
You deserve more.
I'm sorry I couldn't be that for you.

Just remember all the good times,
On those past days where nothing could go wrong.
Everything was bright; it was just me and...
You.

Please forgive me,
And please don't hate me.
Never did I wish this upon us; our summer should have never...
Ended.
Now we're at our crossroads, about to embark on different journeys.
On this day I say goodbye to our past, and hope for the prospect of a future.

"Sorry"s are worthless, like I should be in your eyes.
That's probably why I have an endless supply.
My last request of you is that as we begin down our separate paths,
We do this hand in hand,
Until the growing distance breaks our grasp.

-MissAsha.

Poem: Morning Lullaby

I watched the sun rise, like fire over the hills
Signaling the start of a new tormenting day.
It spread over the sky, like a plague unleashed
Chasing my beloved crescent in the sky away.


One ray, two rays, three rays, four
Pink, red, orange, gold
Snaking through the dead night sky
Like tentacles out to keep their hold


Rising, floating; courageous sun over moon
The night sky now a thing of the past.
A bright beacon chasing sleep from our eyes
Back to life, to time paced fast.


Waiting for the twelve hours to glide by,
For it to be the moon's time.
Waiting for Crescent to beat Beacon,
For the moon's time to shine.


-MissAsha<3

*I wrote this one morning on my way to school. I'm not exactly a morning person, as you can tell. The only thing on my mind was the next time I'd be able to go to sleep.

Footprints in the Sand

Do you ever feel like you're sooo over something? Or maybe someone?
And you have moved on, yet being reminded of it still brings some semblance of pain?
Not that aching hole in your heart and the sudden feeling that crying will fix everything.
Not nearly as severe as that. That chapter has been sealed with smiles and tears.
You feel a longing almost too soft of a whisper to be considered relevant, but its still there.
Like, no matter how much you have healed and moved on, a small part of you won't let go.
Ever.
At all.
Like once you started moving forward, a part of you stayed in that one spot, forever rooted there.

I just need to know why. And not the answer you gave me. I understand that answer, but there's a deeper part that i don't understand. Why so suddenly? Literally it was overnight.
Why'd you lie to me? Don't tell me what you think i want to hear, tell me what's really happening. If you want me out of your life then tell me. If you remember anything about me, then the fact that i ALWAYS understand should be it. I've been nothing but nice; trying to be there for you no matter what's going on with me. The least you could do in return is tell me that you don't want to be my friend.

All I want to know is why before i say goodbye.
And the saddest part is you probably won't even read this...

-MissAsha

Normal is Overrated

nor·mal [nawr-muhl] 

–adjective 

conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; notabnormal; regular; natural.

Normal.

Normalcy.

Synonyms: average, commonplace, traditional.

Antonyms: Me

What is normal? Like, what is it really??

Is it following the same pattern as those before you? 

Is it being a follower, like every self-esteem boosting campaign tells you not to be?

I can tell you what it is.

Normal is not questioning the world around you, even if you're questions are beyond other's comprehension.

Normal is not dancing around your room in mismatched sweats, socks, and a t-shirt, singing along with a hair brush for a mic.

Normal is not making faces at your friend over vchat for an hour,  saying nothing and giggling at everything.

Normal is not me.

weird [weerd]

–adjective

involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny; fantastic; bizarre; abnormal.

Weird.

Abnormal.

Synonyms: awe-inspiring, odd, Asha.

Antonyms: regular, usual, normal.

Why does everyone emphasize being normal? We don't even know what normal is!

Nobody is normal.

Nobody.

We all have our weird quirks, but isn't that what makes us normal?

Does anyone really want to be "normal"? Want to be predictable, routine, standard?

Because that would make you abnormal.

In all actuality normal is weird and weird is normal.

I want you to say it out loud:

Normal is weird. Weird is normal.

Everyone is weird because no two people are alike.

That's what makes us all work so well together.

We compliment one another.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird. When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness. We call it love. ♥

-MissAsha

Do I Press the DO NOT PRESS Button?

I need answers.
It's funny how sometimes we really don't want what we need, because what we need may crumble our world as we know it. Am I ready for that?

Isn't it ironic how someone can know they're on your mind...
Know how much they mean to you...
Know that their life - their sanity - is intertwined with yours...
Know how deep your feelings for them are rooted...
Feel the same...
Yet not really KNOW??
NOT know how flawless and perfect their imperfections are in your eyes...
NOT know the extent of your longing and requisite for them.
NOT know anything, yet they know everything.
Hoping, willing them to feel the same...

And it's still your fault for letting it get this far...
Yet you can't help it. It just happened. And now you're stuck with it, though you'd have it no other way.

I'm sitting in a room; no doors, one window. Through that window i see my world.

The only thing in that room is a red button that says DO NOT PRESS.

I'm faced with a choice: 

Do I press it or do I remain in glorious oblivion?

Do I rush things or do i continue to wait?

Do I ACT or do I wait until I have to REACT?

Run away, or don't run away...?

Oblivion is so much easier

Breathe...

Escape seems way better.

Ridding myself of this decision.

The truth will eventually come out spoken or unspoken...

I think I'm gonna press the button...

-MissAsha